Knowing how to help someone with anxiety can make a big difference in their life. Anxiety is more than just worrying. It’s a real mental health condition that can affect how a person thinks, feels, and acts. It can show up in many ways, from constant worry to sudden panic, and it can look different for each person.

This guide explains the different types of anxiety disorders, how anxiety can show up in daily life, and what signs to look for. You’ll also learn helpful ways to support someone through mild, moderate, or severe anxious moments, whether that means offering a calming presence, using grounding techniques, or knowing when to seek medical help.

Types of Anxiety Disorders

If you or someone you care about has anxiety, it helps to know that there are different types. The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) lists several official anxiety disorders. Each one has its own signs, but they all involve fear or worry that feels hard to control.

1. Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

With GAD, a person worries about work, health, family, money, and even without a clear reason. These worries feel constant and overwhelming. It affects about 3% of people in the U.S., so it’s pretty common.

2. Panic Disorder

This type causes sudden and intense fear that feels like a panic attack. During an attack, your loved one might feel like they’re choking, having a heart attack, or losing control. It can happen out of nowhere, and it’s really scary for them.

3. Social Anxiety Disorder

This is more than just being shy. If someone has social anxiety, they feel extremely nervous about being judged or embarrassed in social situations. They might avoid speaking, eating in public, or even going out.

4. Phobias

Phobias are strong fears of certain things or situations, like spiders, heights, flying, or needles. The fear is usually bigger than the actual danger, but it still feels very real to the person.

5. Agoraphobia

People with agoraphobia are afraid of places or situations where they might feel trapped or helpless. They may avoid crowds, public transport, or even leaving their home.

6. Separation Anxiety Disorder

This isn’t just for kids. Adults can have it too. It’s when someone feels very anxious about being away from a person they’re close to. They may fear something bad will happen if they’re apart.

7. Selective Mutism

This usually starts in childhood. A person with selective mutism can speak, but they stay silent in certain situations, such as school or around strangers, because they’re extremely anxious.

Related Conditions That Aren’t Classified as Anxiety Disorders

Some mental health conditions share anxiety-like symptoms but aren’t officially classified as anxiety disorders in the DSM-5. These include:

• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

• Acute Stress Disorder

• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

While these conditions fall into separate diagnostic categories, they can still lead to intense feelings of fear, stress, and worry. Understanding the specific type of anxiety someone may be experiencing is a key part of learning how to help someone with anxiety in a meaningful and supportive way.

How Anxiety Can Present in Daily Life

Anxiety causes fear and panic, and can affect the whole body and change how a person acts. 

Here’s what to look for:

Physical Symptoms

Anxiety can make the body feel like it’s in danger – even when it’s not. You might notice your loved one:

• Breathing fast or having trouble catching their breath
  
• Sweating, even if it’s not hot
  
• Shaking or feeling jittery
  
• Having a fast or pounding heartbeat
  
• Feeling dizzy or lightheaded
  
• Getting stomachaches, nausea, or needing the bathroom often
  
• Feeling tired all the time, even with sleep
  
• Having trouble falling or staying asleep
  

Sometimes, they might even say their body “hurts” for no clear reason.

Mental and Emotional Symptoms

Anxiety also affects how a person thinks and feels. They may:

• Worry a lot, even about small things
  
• Have racing thoughts they can’t turn off
  
• Expect the worst to happen
  
• Feel restless or on edge
  
• Get easily annoyed or frustrated
  
• Have trouble focusing or remembering things
  
• Feel scared or overwhelmed, even if they don’t know why

They may not always say these things out loud, but you can often see it in their face or hear it in their voice.

Changes in Behavior

Anxiety can also change how someone acts. You might see:

• Avoiding certain places, people, or situations
  
• Backing out of plans last minute
  
• Needing constant reassurance (“Are you sure everything’s okay?”)
  
• Having a hard time making decisions
  
• Pacing, fidgeting, or biting their nails
  
• Isolating or pulling away from others
  
• Over-checking things, like emails, locks, or appointments

They might seem distant or distracted, but they’re usually just trying to manage what’s going on inside.

Approaches for Mild Anxiety Episodes

When someone you care about is having a mild anxiety episode, they might appear a bit nervous, restless, or worried. Even if it doesn’t seem serious on the outside, it can still feel overwhelming for them. Learning how to help someone with anxiety during these moments can make a big difference in their comfort and sense of support. Here are some gentle ways you can help:

1. Offer a Calm Presence and Reassurance

Sometimes just being there helps more than you realize. Sit with them, speak softly, and let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling.

You can say:

• “I’m here for you.”
  
• “You’re not alone.”
  
• “It’s okay. We’ll get through this together.”

Don’t try to “fix” everything, just be kind and steady.

2. Encourage Grounding Techniques (Like 5-4-3-2-1)

This technique helps bring someone back to the present moment. You can guide them through it like this:

• 5 things you can see
  
• 4 things you can touch
  
• 3 things you can hear
  
• 2 things you can smell
  
• 1 thing you can taste

Speak slowly and give them time to answer. It helps the brain feel more in control.

3. Practice Deep Breathing Together

Anxiety can make breathing fast and shallow. Slowing it down helps calm the body. Try breathing in for 4 seconds, holding it for 4, and breathing out for 4.

You can say:

“Let’s breathe together. In… 2, 3, 4. Hold… 2, 3, 4. Out… 2, 3, 4.” Repeat a few times. You doing it with them makes it easier and more comforting.

4. Try Light Distraction or Physical Movement

Doing something simple can help shift their focus.
You could:

• Go for a short walk together
  
• Stretch or move around gently
  
• Put on calming music
  
• Watch a funny or soothing video
  
• Do something creative like coloring or drawing

Just keep it easy and low-pressure. The goal is to help them feel a little more in control and a little less stuck in their thoughts.

Even if the anxiety seems small, your support matters. You don’t have to say the perfect thing; just showing you care makes a big difference.

Helping Through Moderate Anxiety Episodes

Moderate anxiety can feel overwhelming for your loved one, but your kindness, patience, and steady presence can offer meaningful relief. Understanding how to help someone with anxiety during these more intense moments can strengthen your connection and provide the support they truly need. Here’s how:

1. Speak in a Soft, Non-Judgmental Tone

Your voice can help calm their nerves. Talk gently and slowly. Let them know you’re not judging them or rushing them.

You might say:

• “I see that you’re struggling, and I’m here for you.”
  
• “It’s okay to feel this way.”
  
• “You’re safe with me right now.”

Try to keep your tone warm and calm, even if you’re not sure what to say. Just being kind goes a long way.

2. Help Them Identify Triggers

If they’re open to it, help them think about what might have started the anxiety.
Ask gentle questions like:

• “Do you know what might have caused this feeling?”
  
• “Has something like this happened before?”

Don’t push too hard. If they don’t want to talk, just being present is still helpful.

3. Suggest Journaling or Talking Through Feelings

Let them get their thoughts out, either by writing or talking.
You can say:

• “Do you want to talk about it? I’ll just listen.”
  
• “Sometimes it helps to write things down. Would that feel good right now?”

Sometimes they need space. Other times, they want someone to simply listen without offering advice or solutions.

4. Assist with Guided Meditations or Calming Music

Soft sounds or calming words can help ease their mind.

You can say:

• “Would you like to try a short meditation together?”
  
• “Let’s play some calming music; it might help slow things down.”

There are plenty of free apps or videos that guide people through meditation. Or you can just sit together with music that relaxes them. It creates a peaceful space.

Supporting Someone During Severe Anxiety or Panic Attacks

Severe anxiety can feel like the world is crashing down. Your loved one may experience shaking, a racing heart, or difficulty breathing. It’s an intense and frightening experience—but knowing how to help someone with anxiety in these critical moments can bring them a sense of safety and calm.

1. Recognize a Panic Attack vs. a Medical Emergency

Panic attacks can look a lot like serious health problems, like a heart attack. But there are a few signs that point to anxiety.

With a panic attack, you might notice:

• Fast breathing or shortness of breath
  
• Pounding heart
  
• Chest pain (that usually goes away after a few minutes)
  
• Sweating or shaking
  
• Feeling dizzy or like the world isn’t real
  
• Numbness or tingling

If they’ve had panic attacks before and know what this is, stay calm and help them through it. But if you’re ever unsure, it’s always okay to call for medical help.

2. Know When to Call for Medical Help

Call 911 (or your local emergency number) if:

• This is their first panic attack, and they don’t know what’s happening
  
• They have chest pain that doesn’t go away
  
• They faint or stop responding
  
• You’re unsure if it’s something more serious

Even if it turns out to be anxiety, medical professionals can help, and they’d rather you call than risk missing something important.

3. Recommend Professional Help

Severe anxiety doesn’t always go away on its own. A doctor, therapist, or counselor can make a big difference.

You can gently say:

• “You don’t have to deal with this alone.”
  
• “Have you talked to someone about what you’ve been feeling?”
  
• “There are people who can help – you deserve that.”

Don’t force it. Just let them know support is out there, and you care enough to suggest it.

4. Be Patient and Learn What Helps Them

Everyone is different. Some people like to be touched; others don’t. Some want quiet; others want to be talked through it. Ask them when they’re calm:

• “What helps when you feel that way?”
  
• “Is there something I can do next time it happens?”

Note: It’s always better to ask someone what kind of support they want instead of guessing. People who tend to keep their distance or have had tough relationships in the past may prefer practical help, like breaking down tasks or going over options together, while still feeling in control. 

Others may need more emotional support, especially if they fear being left out or worry their feelings are “too much.” These people often feel comforted when you remind them they’re not alone. 

What Not to Do When Someone Is Anxious

When someone you care about is feeling anxious, you want to help, but sometimes, without meaning to, you might do or say something that makes it worse. Here are some things not to do, and what you can try instead:

1. Don’t Say “Calm Down” or “Just Relax”

Even though you mean well, these words can feel frustrating. When someone is anxious, they wish they could calm down, but it’s not that easy.

Try this instead: “I’m here. We can get through this together.” Or, “Want to try some deep breaths with me?”

2. Don’t Judge or Dismiss Their Feelings

Saying things like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal” can make them feel embarrassed or misunderstood.

Try this instead: “I know this feels hard right now.” Or, “It’s okay to feel this way.”

3. Don’t Force Them to Talk

Some people need time. If you push too much, they might shut down even more.

Try this instead: “I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” Or just sit quietly with them. Your presence can be enough.

4. Don’t Make It About You

It’s tempting to share your own stories or compare. But right now, it’s about them, not you.

Try this instead: Focus on their feelings. Listen more than you speak.

5. Don’t Get Frustrated or Walk Away

Anxiety can be overwhelming for you, too. But walking away or getting angry can make them feel worse or abandoned.

Try this instead: Take a breath. Stay calm. Even if you don’t have the right words, just being there helps.

These are just a few ways to help, but what matters most is noticing what works for your loved one. When you have a close relationship, your deep understanding of their anxiety can guide you in how to help someone with anxiety in a way that feels personal, kind, and truly supportive.

At South Coast Counseling, we’re here to walk beside you and your loved ones. We offer caring professionals who can help with anxiety, stress, and other mental health needs. You’re not alone, and neither are they. Reach out when you’re ready, we’re here to help.