Some people are what’s called a functioning alcoholic. They go to work every day, pay the bills, take care of their family, and still find time to socialize. On the outside, everything looks fine. You might even hear people say, “They’ve got it all together.”

But inside, things can be very different. This person might be drinking too much at night, hiding bottles, or needing a drink to relax or feel “normal.” They might be using alcohol to deal with stress, pain, or emotions they don’t want to face. The scary part? They might not even realize how much it’s affecting them or others.

How Functioning Alcoholism Hides in Plain Sight

Because things seem okay, people might miss the signs. Notice how you or someone you care about:

• Joke about how much you/they drink
  
• Say you/they “deserve” a drink after a long day
  
• Get defensive when someone brings up your/their drinking
  
• Start drinking earlier in the day, or drink alone
  
• Make excuses for hangovers or missed plans
  
• Always have a reason for why your/their drinking isn’t a problem

Even if the person is keeping up with work or family life, these little signs can be red flags. If you’re wondering whether it’s just a habit or something more, it’s okay to ask questions. Denial can be strong, but so can concern from someone who cares. You don’t have to wait for a crisis to speak up or get help.

Risks to Health, Relationships, and Mental Well-Being

Alcohol use may seem under control on the surface, but here’s how it can quietly cause serious detriment to your body, mind, and relationships over time.

1. Physical Health Risks

Drinking too much, even if you’re keeping things “normal,” can damage your liver, heart, and brain. Over time, it can cause liver diseases like hepatitis or cirrhosis, raise blood pressure, and even affect memory and thinking. 

Studies say chronic alcohol use increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, digestive problems, and lasting brain damage (like memory loss or early dementia).¹ 

2. Mental Health Impact

Alcohol often hides feelings of sadness, anxiety, or stress, making them worse in the long run. Heavy drinking is linked to depression, panic attacks, and anxiety disorders. 

It can even lead to harmful thoughts. Alcohol is connected with up to 41% of suicides and self-harm cases.²

3. Strained Relationships

Alcohol can hurt your marriage, friendships, or family life. Research shows heavy drinkers often face lower marital satisfaction, more fights, and even violence.³ 

It can also lead to neglect. Kids might be affected, and trust can fall apart.⁴

Living in Denial: Why Recognition and Help Get Delayed

It’s easy to miss the signs of a deeper problem when denial is working in the background.

1. Stigma Makes You Hide the Problem

You might feel ashamed to admit there’s a problem or fear what others will think. Studies say many avoid treatment because they’re too embarrassed or worry they should “handle it alone.” ⁵ This shame may even make you drink more to feel better. 

2. Success Feels Like Proof Everything’s Fine

Because you go to work and keep things on track, you might believe you’re okay. But that sense of success can feed denial. People rationalize, “I can control it,” or compare themselves to more obviously struggling drinkers.

3. Justifying It in Your Mind

You might tell yourself, “I deserve a drink after such a hard day,” or blame your job stress instead. This thinking is a common excuse that hides or minimizes the problem.

4. Family and Friends Often Don’t See or Admit It

Loved ones may also say, “But they’re still doing well,” or believe your drinking isn’t serious. When people tell you things are fine, it makes denial stronger, both for you and them.

5. You’re Caught in a Mental Trap

Alcoholism is progressive. You build tolerance (needing more to feel the same effect), deepen your dependence, and don’t see the slow change. That lets denial grow, making it harder to admit you need help.

Because all these risks and denials can build up slowly, you might not notice the harm until things get serious. But early steps can help:

• You’re not just being dramatic; it’s real.
  
• Getting help early can stop or reverse harm.
  
• You deserve support, not shame, and it’s okay to reach out.

Wake-up moments often come slowly. If any of this feels familiar – maybe you’re worried about your health, your mood, or what’s happening at home – it might mean it’s time to think about talking with someone you trust. 

How to Talk About It with Yourself or a Loved One

Of course, it’s not easy to talk about drinking, especially when you’re not sure there’s a “real” problem. But if something feels off, it’s okay to pause and have an honest conversation, either with yourself or someone you care about. 

Here’s how to do it with kindness and without judgment.

1. Be Honest With Yourself First

Start by checking in with your thoughts. Ask yourself:

• Am I drinking more than I used to?
  
• Do I use alcohol to cope with stress or emotions?
  
• Have I ever hidden my drinking or made excuses for it?

You don’t need to have all the answers. Just being willing to ask yourself these questions is a strong first step.

2. Pick the Right Time and Place

If you’re talking to a loved one, don’t bring it up during a fight or when alcohol is involved. Find a quiet, private moment when you both feel calm. 

Say you want to talk because you care, not because you’re angry or trying to control them.

3. Use “I” Statements, Not Blame

Instead of saying, “You drink too much,” try saying:

• “I’ve noticed you seem stressed, and I worry about you.”
  
• “I feel scared when you drink a lot, and I don’t know how to help.”
  This makes the conversation feel less like an attack and more like support.

4. Listen Without Judging

Let them speak. You don’t have to fix everything. Just listening can mean a lot. Avoid interrupting or labeling them as an alcoholic. 

That word can feel heavy and cause someone to shut down.

5. Offer Support, Not Ultimatums

You can say:

• “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
  
• “Have you ever thought about talking to someone?”
  
• “If you ever want help, I’ll be there.”

Don’t demand big changes right away. Just let them know they’re not alone and that help is available.

6. Be Patient

Denial is common. The person might say, “I’m fine,” or “Everyone drinks.” Change takes time. Keep showing care without pushing too hard. Sometimes, planting the seed is enough.

Talking about alcohol use can feel uncomfortable, but it might be the conversation that changes everything for you or someone you love. Compassion goes a long way.

When and Where to Seek Help

Is it a bad habit or a deeper issue?

A bad habit might mean you drink more on weekends or occasionally overdo it. But a deeper issue shows up in patterns:

• You drink regularly to cope with stress or emotions
  
• You hide how much you’re drinking
  
• You feel guilty or ashamed after drinking
  
• You’ve tried to cut back, but can’t
  
• Drinking is causing problems at work, at home, or with your health

If these sound familiar, it’s more than just a habit; it’s a sign of dependence. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means you need extra support.

Treatment Options

There are different paths to recovery, depending on your needs:

• Outpatient Counseling – You meet with a therapist while continuing your daily life.
  
• Inpatient or Residential Treatment – You stay at a facility for a set time to focus fully on recovery.
  
• Medical Detox – For those with heavy dependence, detox may be needed to safely stop drinking.
  
• Group Therapy and Peer Support – Talking with others going through the same thing can help you feel less alone (like Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous).
  
• Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT) – Some people benefit from medications that reduce cravings or block the effects of alcohol.

Getting Professional Care

If you or someone you know needs help, you can call SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). The call is free, private, and available 24/7. A trained professional will guide you to local treatment options that match your needs, whether you’re looking for counseling, support groups, or recovery programs.

You can also reach out to trusted providers like OceanRock Health or Southcoast Counseling. We offer personalized care for alcohol recovery, including one-on-one therapy, mental health support, and tailored treatment plans. 

Everyone’s path is different, and we’re here to provide a safe, supportive space to help you start healing. If you’re unsure where to begin, connecting with us is a powerful first step.

Sources:

1. Berger, D. (2023, April 10). Medical complications: Common alcohol-related concerns. www.niaaa.nih.gov. https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/health-professionals-communities/core-resource-on-alcohol/medical-complications-common-alcohol-related-concerns
2. National Collaborating Centre for Mental Health (UK. (2021). ALCOHOL DEPENDENCE AND HARMFUL ALCOHOL USE. Nih.gov; British Psychological Society. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK65500/
3. ‌Marshal, M. P. (2003). For better or for worse? The effects of alcohol use on marital functioning. Clinical Psychology Review, 23(7), 959–997. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2003.09.002
4. ‌National Collaborating Centre for Mental Health (UK. (2021). ALCOHOL DEPENDENCE AND HARMFUL ALCOHOL USE. Nih.gov; British Psychological Society. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK65500/
5. ‌National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (2024, February 27). Stigma: Overcoming a Pervasive Barrier to Optimal Care | National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). Www.niaaa.nih.gov. https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/health-professionals-communities/core-resource-on-alcohol/stigma-overcoming-pervasive-barrier-optimal-care